|
I hear the click of my doorknob being turned just in time to hear "Wake up Sussman! Time to earn your pay. Since you’re the only attorney in this place stupid enough to admit to knowing anything about class 17, you’re going to have to look at this ID. And what the hell is gutta-percha anyway?" "Quiet drone!" I bark. "You’ve interrupted my delicate thought process. I was coming up with further subtle refinements to the re-organization of the TMEO. We could have come even closer to working in a virtual heaven on earth, but now it’s gone, thanks to your blundering in here." "Then I’ve done the agency a tremendous favor. I have an idea. Perhaps you might consider say, doing your job for a change? Just a thought." Never one to be second bested in office banter, I snarl: "A thought? That must be quite a new experience for you; your first time? And speaking of thinking, why do you think it's so cold in this office?" I ponder, noticing my fingers are turning blue. "Could it be your small, hard, frozen heart sucking the life and heat out of so small an area? But now that you mention it, your office is like a meat locker, but mine is like an oven." "Not at all helped by the blather that you spew each day disguised as advice; hot air can heat up a small cubicle like yours in but a few seconds." I note sarcastically. "Oh my God!" She's now looking at me in horror. "This isn't a lead-in to your recycling that pathetic insulation column you inflicted on us a couple years ago?" "And would that be such a crime?" I say with wounded dignity. " I mean there are so many new people here who could benefit from the wisdom of ages past..." "Absolutely not!" She's trembling now, eyes like saucers. "Ok, ok, but did you know that a ceiling fan can help make a room more comfortable all year long? In the summer, the motor is wired so that the blades rotate in a counterclockwise direction which circulates cooling breezes; operated in reverse in the winter, it forces rising warm air down from the ceiling. These reversing motors can be controlled by a wall switch or a pull chain. First, when you start thinking about installing your fan, it’s best to pick a place where there's already an overhead light. Otherwise, you have to run a wire through the joists. If you’re working between two floors and there is no existing light where you want to install the celing fan, my advice would be to just fahgetaboutit! Put the fan where a light is. If there’s an attic above where you want the fan, you may run a new wire fron some existing source of electricity, say, another light, by drilling a hole through each the joists leading up to the place you want to put the fan and running the new wire through those holes. Then you cut a hole throught the ceiling at the proper spot large enought to accomodate the electrical box. Building codes don't allow you to hang a ceiling fan from a conventional electrical box. You've got to use a box that meets the NEC specs for ceiling fans and screw it securely to a joist in the ceiling, or to a 2 x 4 that you've securely nailed between two joists. You can also buy adjustable hangers which you nail between two joists. These usually have a sliding box attached. Once you've got the new mounting box and bracket well anchored, insert the down-rod (the rod that goes into the motor and holds up the fan) into the bracket. This should result in the blades of the fan being at least one foot below the ceiling, and at least seven feet above the floor (so that you can invite Ira to your parties) and at least two feet from the nearest wall. Now you have to connect the wires. If the light you're replacing with a fan operated with a pull-chain, connecting the fan will be pretty straightforward. Just connect the black supply wire to the black fan wire, the white supply wire to the white fan wire, and the ground wire to the mounting bracket or to the grounding screw on the down tube. Ooops. I forgot to mention that yopu should turn off that circuit breaker first, but then if you hadn’t, you'd be dead now, so you must have taken care of that rather important step. If your fan has a light fixture, it will have another hot wire which is usually blue. Connect the blue wire to the two black wires. The fan and the lights will be controlled by pull chains on the fan. If the original light was turned on and off with a wall switch, and you want to use the wall switch to control the lights in your fan, the wring is the same as above but for one thing. Instead of connecting the blue wire to the black supply wire and the black fan wire, you must connect one of the two switch wires to these two black wires. It doesn't matter which switch wire you connect, but it's traditional to connect the black one. The white wire coming back from the switch is connected to the blue wire. You should color the end of this white wire black with a felt tip pen so as not to confuse future generations; it really is a black supply wire supplying power to lights, after all. Now slide the canopy-like covering up the down-tube to cover the wires and tighten the setscrews, and make sure the blades are level and balanced. The package will explain how to do this, as it will explain how to install the entire fan. Better than this column. Which you've almost finished reading. Guess the joke's on you, 'eh? Ha! "So what are you saying? They're going to be putting up ceiling fans in every office? Instead of just fixing the heating and cooling system?" You're nuts. Wacko. Bonkers. I'm outahere. Forget the ID. I'll just make something up." My plan is working perfectly. "Don't slam the door on your way...BANG! Excellent! Door shut. Feet up. Solitaire maximized. Starting to drift. Ahhh! There's a lot to be said for this reorganization
|